Monday, March 26, 2012


re•jec•tion noun
1. the act or process of rejecting.    
2. the state of being rejected.
3. something that is rejected.

1st thought
I once sent a manuscript to a publisher. The publisher said "this is something we'd like to work with, please revise, and make an appointment for discussion." I never did. Since then I've never tried to send in any of my texts or manuscripts to anyone, except for a few poems and articles here and there, but none of my projects. The fear of being worse than my 18 year old self, scares the crap out of me.

2nd thought
Next year I'm supposed to go abroad for two semesters. The deadlines, forms and papers are piling up on my desk, threatening to bury me in academic sounding nonsense. I never finished High School and have gotten to where I am more out of luck, than out of anything else. Twice I've woken up in panic, with the ringing echo of a nightmare in my ears: "You're just not worth anything after British standards,"  in the poshest, most condescending voice you could ever imagine. Seriously, Dame Judy Dench would have a challenge portraying a person this posh.. And she can do anything.

3d thought
When asking for favors, I often spend more words explaining how okay it is if the person can't help, than I spend on explaining the favor. This way, I don't feel like I'm putting too much pressure on the person, and I don't feel like I can be rejected, as I've practically said no to myself.

4th thought
In our wedding, when the priest asked if Hubby would take Wifey and all that jazz, I was never afraid he'd say no.

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