Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Topic (why people shouldn't eavesdrop)

Topic - noun

1. a subject of conversation or discussion: to provide a topic for discussion.
2. the subject or theme of a discourse or of one of its parts.
3. Rhetoric, Logic. a general field of considerations from which arguments can be drawn.  

Me: I think it would be an interesting experiment for us to kidnap a child and raise it together
Santa: Really?
Me: Yes, there's just no way that child could turn out good
Santa: Because of the biological parents, of course.
Me: Obviously. It would be just our luck to pick the worst child in the universe. Oh, look at her! She's adorable!

A stroller with a cute little girl is pushed by. Right as she passes us, the girl does her best The Omen impression. She stares at us as if she is cursing our souls. 

Santa: That... was creepy.
Me: I thought you liked the wicked?
Santa: Wicked people. Wicked children I just can't abide.
Me: Oh, look! It would be perfect timing too, there's a sale on diapers!
Santa: What if the child is too old for diapers?
Me: I feel we've done a poor job in kidnapping a child if we end up with a sulky 19 year old in the back seat! It has to be a young impressionable child. One we can mould to fit our image.
Santa: Yes, that would be better.
Me: Plus, a 19 year old would be all grumpy and do the wrong things.
Santa: I would teach him to smoke, so he could get a job, and buy me cigarettes
Me: That makes sense. Wait, when did you learn to drive?
Santa: What?
Me: The teenager, it's in the back seat.
Santa: I can do a great many thing if I need to.

Somewhere during this part of the dialogue, a woman walked in behind us. 

Me: It would save an awful lot of money though, abducting a teenager. We wouldn't even have to let him live at home.
Santa: We'll arrange some sort of family drama, and kick him out after the first day.
Me: Hm... but how do we stop him from returning to the birth parents? Will we kill them or just take him far far away?
Santa: I think it's better that you don't know.

Her expression as she passed us is the reason why people shouldn't eavesdrop. I felt like running after her and say "this isn't real, we were just playing with the idea of kidnapping a toddler," but she walked really fast, and I was carrying groceries. 


  1. "I feel we've done a poor job in kidnapping a child if we end up with a sulky 19 year old in the back seat!"

    This made me laugh, which is hard to do on day 42 of a migraine!

    1. Thank you so much for your comment! I'm really sorry you're having the mother of all migraines, but so happy to have made you laugh!

      As 42 _is_ the answer of life, the universe, and everything, wouldn't this be an epic day to have the last day of migraine?

  2. Replies
    1. Oh, thank you for giggling! Her expression still pops up as a warning sign in my head whenever I feel my outside conversations steer into la-la-land.